Quick, name one thing most Americans love unconditionally. If you said "islands," congratulations, you're absolutely right and win absolutely nothing. Ellis, Hawaiian, Virgin, Gilligan ... Americans have long had an inexplicable love affair with landmasses surrounded by water on all sides.
Now, name one thing most Americans have universal disdain for. Did you say "pedophiles"? If so, you are right again. (Other acceptable answers are Jay Leno and the DMV.) Who likes pedophiles? No one, that's who! Pedophiles are just the worst.
Well, it looks like California gubernatorial candidate Douglas Hughes has unveiled his plan for the protection of the children of the Golden State. The plan takes the thing no one likes (that would be the convicted pedophiles) and exiles them to that thing most people are generally OK with (that would be the island).
Yes that's right, Hughes has promised that if elected he would present pedophiles who have completed their jail terms with three options: leave California never to return, remain in prison for the rest of your life, or agree to move to beautiful Santa Rosa Island off the coast of Santa Barbara.
Hughes' "plan" calls for... you know what? Let's just let Mr. Hughes explain it in his own words:
This 'Island' will provide a place where pedophiles can live out their existence away from the majority population and most importantly, our precious children. The 'Island' community will be self-supporting by its own members. Those offenders who are currently residing in our neighborhoods will be told to choose one of the three (3) choices above but will not be allowed to continue to live in our neighborhoods. Those sexual offenders who are currently in the prison system convicted as a pedophile will have the option to apply to go to the 'Island.'
It isn't entirely clear why Hughes feels the need to put quotation marks around the word "island," seeing as how that's a definition that isn't really up for debate. Yet we digress.
Hughes calls for an island society that seems to be a cross between the Shawshank Redemption and Club Med with a little 1776 thrown in for good measure. Claiming it would "represent a way of life that has long since been forgotten," Hughes harkens back to a day "in which our forefathers came to this land with a wagon, some animals, seed, and tools, looking for water and land to build their lives around."
The candidate's, umm, "unorthodox" views don't stop at his quest to save California from the ever present threat of child molestation. Hughes has plans for everything from the war on drugs (a program encouraging addicts to "buy drugs from the state for ½ price of the street price") to the homeless ("They will be issued a 5 gallon drum with wheels and a handle, orange safety cones and a broom and shovel as well as an official Captains hat, clean coveralls with a badge"). He's just got it all figured out.
We here at OhMyGov.com don't usually endorse any political candidates, but we feel it is safe to say that Douglas R. Hughes vision for California is one that merits serious consideration. After all, it takes a forward thinking visionary to realize the need for both prison islands and a high tech trolley connecting Los Angeles to Santa Barbara. Douglas Hughes: The "What The Gov?" Governor for California.