From Turkey Day to Lame Duck, it's a fowl time of year in Washington. Here's our take at what the absurd convention of lame ducks in Congress could accomplish in their remaining days.
- Play "Lets Make A Deal" with good pal Julian Assange: So the maybe-transparency-hero/definitely-creepy-dude founder of the controversial WikiLeaks website is currently in hiding after leaving over 250,000 sensitive documents. Well, we have a suggestion for outgoing Speaker Nancy Pelosi: Assange can avoid any sort of pesky Congressional inquiry if he provides the public with the most sought-after Internet leak since O.J.'s book...a DVD-quality rip of the upcoming final Harry Potter movie. There's something both sides of the aisle can probably agree on.
Image: WikiLeaks
- Censure Charlie Rangel and order him to pay one year's rent for every non-rent controlled resident of Manhattan: What can we say? Anyone who has dropped $2,000 a month on a SoHo broom closet (and Jimmy McMillan) would approve!
Image: U.S. Congress
- Find a nice Iowa cornfield, take Jim Bunning there and tell him that Shoeless Joe Jackson and Rogers Hornsby are waiting there for him...leave him there.
Image: Cantstopthebleeding.com
- Make the Tan Tax permanent before Boehner gets his hands on it: Because we know DJ Johnny B isn't gonna go for that.
Image: U.S. Congress
5. Rand Paul and Bernie Sanders...two words: Reality Show. What? You think NBC has something better to put on at 10?
Images: Gage Skidmore/U.S. Congress
- Lure Michele Bachmann into a utility closet in the basement of the Rayburn Building, promptly deadbolt it. Again, something that leadership in both parties can most likely agree on.
Image: U.S. Congress
- Get John McCain and Snooki to finally admit that they were made for each other, those two crazy kids deserve a shot.
Image: Gawker
- Get outgoing Congressman John Hall to perform with the reunited lineup of seminal '70's rock act Orleans live from the House chamber. Three words: Still...The...One. Really, anything to see Barney Frank crowdsurf.
Image: Idolator
9. Arlen Specter, a blackboard, a piece of chalk, the magic bullet ... explain it.
Image: Library of Congress
- A Festivus airing of grievances with Paul Kanjorski and David Obey: Because we're just gonna miss those two old coots.
Images: U.S. Congress
