Note:
Most of the late-night shows are in reruns this week, but you can get your joke
fix by reading our collection of the 10 best political late night jokes of 2011
(so far).
10. ''Bill
Clinton recently revealed that he only sent two e-mails while he was President.
Then he added, 'And it turns out those pills are just a scam.''' —Jimmy
Fallon
9. 'Paul Revere was warning the British about gun
control, and George Washington apparently was crossing the Delaware to bomb an
abortion clinic.'' —Bill Maher, on history according to Sarah Palin
8. ''According to reports, Gaddafi is surrounded by
an elite corps of female bodyguards, all of whom are virgins. In a related
story, today Charlie Sheen invaded Libya.'' —Conan O'Brien
7. 'Egypt has responded to hundreds of thousands of
protesters by shutting down the Internet. Just a word of advice: If you want
people to stay at home and do nothing, you should turn the Internet back on.'' —Conan O'Brien
6. ''Congressman Anthony Weiner has just checked
himself into a treatment center for people battling chronic sexual dysfunction.
Checked in? He's already there, it's called Congress.'' —Jay Leno
5. ''No! Not Captain Buzzkill! Not the guy who looks
like everyone who ever fired your dad! He's gonna suck all the fun right out of
this crazy thing. Just look at the online video announcing his run. It looks
like it could double as an ad for erectile dysfunction pills. 'Mitt Romney: for
when the moment's right.''' —Jon Stewart on Mitt Romney running for president
4. ''President Obama met with Facebook founder Mark
Zuckerberg in Silicon Valley yesterday. Zuckerberg said he could create new
jobs. The bad news? They're all in Farmville.'' —Conan O'Brien
3. ''A Republican Congressman, Rep. Chris Lee, was
caught flirting with a woman trolling for dates on Craigslist and sent her a
shirtless photo of himself. He lied about his age and his marital status. He
said he was 39 and divorced. He's 46 and married, though being a Republican
congressman, I'm guessing he's really 60 and gay.'' —Bill Maher
2. ''Everyone in the blamestream media, copyright,
is saying Newt Gingrich is on the ropes. Wrong, you parasites. This man will
rise again, just like the sourdough he appears to be made of.'' —Stephen Colbert
1. ''If Bachmann and Palin get in, that's two
bimbos. And there there's Mitt Romney, the millionaire and Newt Gingrich, a
professor. We just need a skipper and a buddy and we've got 'Gilligan's
Island.''' —Bill Maher
