10. "You
know
who's also joining the Wall
Street protesters? Kanye West. That's a real good idea -- a guy with
diamonds in his teeth protesting greed." –David
Letterman
9. "President Obama had beer with
four unemployed construction workers. And Obama asked the guys what was
it like
to lose their jobs, and they were like, 'Oh, you'll see.'" –Jimmy
Fallon
8. "Rick Perry looks like a guy
who crawled out from under a painted rock. Perry’s exhausted. He’s
having
trouble sleeping. Calling Dr. Conrad Murray!" –David Letterman
7. "At one point, Rick Santorum
was interrupted by a gay heckler. But then Michele Bachmann told her
husband,
'Just shut up and sit down.'" –Jay Leno
6. "Herman Cain was in 2nd place
in most of the national polls, behind Mitt Romney. Apparently his
message of
'less government, more toppings' has been well received." –Jimmy Kimmel
5. "Rick Perry said America's
revolutionary war was fought in the 16th century. When told it was
actually the
18th century, Perry apologized and said, 'I never said I was a geology
major.'" –Conan O'Brien
4. "YouTube has launched a
politics channel so that people can easily find videos of the
presidential
candidates. Today they posted their first video, 'Cat Winning a Debate
Against
Michele Bachmann.'" " –Jimmy Fallon
3. "At the last Republican debate, the candidates were seated according
to
how they've been doing in the polls. So Jon Huntsman was seated next to
Tim
Pawlenty at a Denny's across the street." –Conan O'Brien
2. "China
is now expected to surpass Japan as the 2nd richest country in the
world. They
could become the richest, but that's only if we pay them the money we
owe them,
and that's not going to happen." –Jay Leno
1. "There's a proposal in Congress to allow rich people who feel they
don't pay enough income tax to voluntarily pay more. Economists say this
could
bring in as much as $75 a year." –Jay Leno
David Letterman's "Top Ten Reasons
Chris Christie Endorsed Mitt Romney"
10. Romney sounds like pastrami
9. Perry wouldn't let him fry eggs on the Texas electric chair
8. Two liters of Shop Rite root beer and a king size Snickers did the
trick
7. If elected, Romney said he'd overturn rule requiring enormous people
to buy
extra airplane seat
6. Needed something to do between lunch and second lunch
5. Acting on direct orders from Colonel Sanders
4. It was a close call between him and Rick Santorum -- just kidding
3. Mistook Mitt's repeated 'bi-partisan' references to mean two kinds of
cheese
2. Movie star good lucks -- who could resist?
1. Only other options were the nutjob, the crackpot, the pizza dude and
Newt
For
our Maher Fans…
"Chris
Christie announced he would not enter the race. In a statement he said
'Look at me. Do I look like I'm ready to race anyone?'" –Bill Maher
"Very sadly, two days ago, the great white dope, Sarah
Palin said she would not enter the race. I am of two minds about this;
as
an American, I thank you Sarah. As a comedian, I beg you to reconsider."
–Bill Maher
"Herman Cain answered the Wall
Street protesters, and he had a message for these protesters. He said,
'If
you don't have a job, if you're not rich, don't blame Wall Street, don't
blame
the banks, blame yourself.' And a nation of out of work teabaggers said,
'Yeah!
Hey, wait a minute.'" –Bill Maher
"Rick
Perry has fallen way down. He's got a new ad campaign where he says Mitt
Romney is a carbon copy of Obama.
Yes, that has always been Mitt Romney's problem. He's just too black."
–Bill Maher
"If we are going to fire every Southern hillbilly who thinks Obama is
like
Hitler, who will be our Republican congressmen?" –Bill Maher
