10. "All in all a successful trip.
Best of all, Romney has checked three countries off the list of '1000 Places To
Offend People Before You Die.'" –Stephen Colbert
9. "Why don't they allow
professional wrestling at the Olympics? They allow pro basketball players and
hockey players. Olympic pro wrestling would be awesome. The team from Mexico
could wear those Mr. X masks. The French wrestler could hit his opponent with a
baguette. Or perhaps just surrender." –Craig Ferguson
8. "This crisis has pitted brother
against lower cholesterol brother. It's like the Civil War, if you replace
slavery with waffle fries." –Stephen Colbert on the Chick-Fil-A controversy
7. "Olympic officials have disqualified a champion race walker after
determining that he was doping. They disqualified him. The man said getting
caught doping is almost as embarrassing as getting caught being a champion race
walker." –Conan O'Brien
6. “I would like to congratulate the team at NASA’s jet propulsion lab. You
deserve every missed high five of your celebration.” –Stephen Colbert
5. "Mayor Bloomberg is saying now
that he has banned large sodas in New York City, his next target is going to be
alcohol. Once that's out of the way he'll start his crusade against the
laughter of children." –Conan O'Brien
4. "Mitt Romney is claiming he’s
going to create 12 million jobs in his first term. But he hasn’t said yet if
he’ll create them in China or India.” –Conan O'Brien
3. "It's now come out just before his record-breaking 100-meter dash, gold
medalist Usain Bolt ate at McDonald's. Apparently he timed his meal so when the
race started he would have exactly 9.63 seconds to get to a toilet."
–Conan O'Brien
2. "They're calling it the worst
drought in 56 years. That seems to me unnecessarily negative. Couldn't it be
the best drought in 56 years?" –Jimmy Kimmel
1. "Tough Olympic news for the Romneys. Ann Romney's horse Rafalka did not
advance to the Olympic finals. Apparently it was beat by a smooth-talking
socialist horse from Kenya." –Conan O'Brien
